I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
