I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
