So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
