so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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