So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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