Four minutes until I can fart!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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