Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
