I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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