whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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