he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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