At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
