i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
