tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
barbara walters just said penis...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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