Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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