Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
