I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
