Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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