Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
