I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Houston, we have a blender
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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