I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
