i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
