God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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