How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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