the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
