I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
