she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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