Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is her dick bigger than yours?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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