I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to have your abortion
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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