Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
