I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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