My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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