i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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