I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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