its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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