I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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