Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
