Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
