Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
