Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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