I accidentally burped into my bong.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
