I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
