My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so much tequila, so little girl.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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