I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
