hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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