we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
