Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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