I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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