That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize