Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
