It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
