dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
