only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
