Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize