My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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