at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
