roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
