well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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