What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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