The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
