Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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