I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize